Road to New Zealand

This week has been hard. The flip side of the emotional coin to the excitement and anticipation is the reality of leaving my friends and family behind. This feeling of sadness was precipitated by speaking with my Grandma. The reality is she is old and there is a very real possibility that I may never see her again until we are in Heaven. Speaking with her made me cry. So did thinking about how much KAlani will miss his Grandma and how much she will miss him. I feel sad taking that away from both of them. It was a hard day. I let myself mourn and nursed my feelings with some coconut ice cream. It obviously fixed everything, like only food can. 

As many of you know, Nate and I are extremely impatient and think things should happen like yesterday when we decide to do something. For example, in my naive and impatient mind we should have had an offer on the house after the second showing. If we don’t then catostrophic events will happen. This is always my reaction to things I have no control over, which is a position I hate to be in. We listed the house on Wednesday and by that afternoon I was already conjuring up scenarios of how the house would never sell and I would have to work full time because Nate would be in New Zealand looking for our new home and so on. It’s exhausting being crazy and I don’t drink/do drugs, so I can’t numb the crazy. So I usually get mad at Nate for something dumb. This time it was spending too much money on coffees and 5$ bottles of kombucha tea. Thankfully Nate knows I get like this and talks me through it. Reminding me to breathe, to trust God is in charge and all things happen in His timing and being crazy and worrying only makes me and everyone else miserable. 

As I said previously, we listed the house. It has received a lot of interest which is great, although having showings all the time makes it feel like we don’t even live there. We are finding we don’t want to do anything at the house for fear of making a mess and disrupting the cleanliness. On Friday, I even showered at the pool just so I wouldn’t have to clean my tub after. Believe me I am aware these are not real problems. This fact was especially evident after I watched a story about a child with a disease called epidermolysis bullosa: which means his skin is paper thin and is constantly tearing off. He is in constant pain yet doesn’t complain. It was a good reminder for me to be thankful for what I have and that the disruptions of showing the house are very minor in the grand scheme of life. So I adjusted my attitude and mindset to that of taking it one day at a time, one issue at a time and letting going of the things I have no control over. One day down, many more to go…

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